Musician Ben Harper filed for divorce from actress Laura Dern after five years of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences and seeking joint custody of their two children, PEOPLE confirms.The process seerver said that she would accept the divorce papers Ben Harper filed late Friday afternoon ... but sources say the process server fired back that if Laura didn't come to the door he'd find her out in public and embarrass her.

A source connected with Ben claims the allegation that the process server issued such an ultimatum is "absolutely false."
The divorce -- a story TMZ broke Sunday -- shocked Laura, who didn't see it coming.We're told Ben has not called Laura to discuss how to tell their two children about the sudden turn of events ... he just disappeared.The papers, filed Friday, claim the pair separated in January, although Ben claims he and Laura have been separated since January, the couple showed up together at Eddie Vedder's wedding late last month. And, sources connected with the couple tell us Laura and Ben have been intimate as recently as last week.

Sadly, Laura's parents Bruce and Diane also split when Laura was 2. She stayed with her mother, having little contact with Bruce till she began calling him when she was 8 (they're now very close). The small family lived for a while in Santa Monica, then three years in New York, then moved back to the Valley, Diane in the meantime remarrying.